Dan's Top 10

Top 10 Reasons Why the Vikings will Love Brett Favre

10.  He's the most proven quarterback they've had in a long time
 9.   The Number 4 Jersey will sell like hotcakes
 8.   They now have a passing game to go with their running game
 7.   They'll learn soon enough if Chilly is a good coach
 6.   It's going to take a Super Bowl win to get a new stadium
 5.   They are now instant Super Bowl favorites
 4.   They now have tons of free publicity
 3.   They don't have to depend on T-Jack and Rosenfeldt to do what they've never done
 2.   It's not often you get a Hall of Fame Quarterback
 1.   This is a great way to stick it to the Packers and their Cheesehead Fans

Top 10 Liberal School Mascot Names

10. University of Minnesota Pink Gophers
 9. University of Iowa Hawkeye Pierce
 8. UCLA Doobies
 7. USC Rubbers
 6. Duke Pukes
 5. University of Miami Bloods
 4. Harvard Rich Kids
 3. University of Texas Longhornies
 2. University of San Francisco 69ers
 1. University of South Carolina Shaved Gamecocks

Top 10 Brett Favre Excuses for not joining the Vikings

10.  He didn't need another Super Bowl ring
 9.  Too many death threats from Poland
 8.  Booty wouldn't give up the number "4" jersey
 7.  Chilly wanted to run the ball too much
 6.  The doctors in Minnesota weren't as generous with their prescriptions
 5.  Zigy wouldn't give him an ownership stake in the team
 4.  He never has played well in the Metrodome
 3.  The fans would rather see Sage and T-Jack battle it out
 2.  The time commitment was too great on the set of "What About Mary 2"
 1.  He would rather skip training camp and "un-retire" in time for the playoffs

Top 10 Comments overheard at a little kids soccer game

10.  Did you see that, they're keeping track of the score!
 9.  Good Job Johnny, those five goals you let in were no big deal
 8.  Who cares about the score, did the coach bring the oranges?
 7.  I am not a "soccer mom"
 6.  Don't do any headers you don't have a helmet
 5.  I let him play soccer now to get him in shape for real football later
 4.  Let's play for a tie, that way everyone wins
 3.  How come they make all the fat kids be the goalie?
 2.  Don't kick his leg, kick the ball
 1. It's so strange that this is they only sport where they get to eat during the game. No wonder American kids are fat.

Top 10 rejected marketing slogans for the NHL

10.  Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting
 9.   Sticks and stones will break our bones...
 8.   Hockey Mom's Love us
 7.   Faster than a speeding bullet
 6.   Goonies
 5.   Watch our shootouts
 4.   Get the puck out of here
 3.   Like politicians, we'll fight for you
 2.   Watch our Canadian sport played by ex-commies
 1.   Unlike the NBA, our players only shoot on the ice.

Top 10 Rejected marketing slogans for professional soccer

10. Watch our goalies stop shot after shot
 9.  So you can't pronounce the names, we just won't put them on their uniforms
 8.  We don't have many goals, but it's a fast game
 7.  Appreciate the skills of these athletes as they run around for no particular reason
 6. It takes a ball to play this game
 5. Check out the death defying "header"
 4. With such low scoring, is there any wonder why we take off our shirts to celebrate
 3. Shots on goal is an over-rated statistic
 2. We prefer the term nil to nil rather than zero to zero
 1. Trash talking has made the game more exciting

Top 10 Blonde Olympic Events

10.  The spike heel broad jump
9.   Swimming without getting your hair wet sprints
8.   Driving while putting makeup on road race
7.   Karate high kick without running nylons contest
6.   The twiggy look alike style show
5.   The all you can eat, 2 puke limit contest
4.   The most push ups you can do within 10 minutes without breaking your nails sprint
3.   The dump your date quickly contest
2.   Butch blonde mud wrestling
1.   The "I have a zit" hollaring contest

Top 10 Reasons why tennis is a great sport

10. You get to show off your legs
9.  You can play it well into your old age
8.  You get to rest between points
7.  Once you figure out the scoring system, everything else is a piece of cake
6.  You can join a club and network with other players
5.  You get to wear cool tennis outfits
4.  When you get too old for singles you can always play doubles
3.  Lots of strategy to go with the action
2.  Playing it makes pro tennis interesting
1. Every game starts with Love

Top 10 Reasons the Minnesota Twins have done well this year

10. It's a Minnesota thing, Twins fans always downplay their expectations of the Twins
9.  The M & M boys stayed healthy
8.  Two new stars of the future showed up at the top of the order
7.  The Detroit Tigers and Cleveland Indians were monster flops
6.  The Twins farm system made up for the flop of a trade with Tampa Bay
5.  The young arms and rookies in the starting rotation keep them in games
4.  The Twins playing "small ball" were near the top in runs scored
3.  Joe Nathan's long term contract saved the bullpen from a total collapse
2.  The guys they signed from the Astros, lit a fire under a few players who were too comfortable
1.  They have the best manager in the game and the best farm system in baseball

Top 10 Ways NHL Hockey Fans and NASCAR fans are similar

10. Lots of Canadians...Eh
9.  Jack Daniels is the drink of choice
8.  Both whistle through their missing tooth
7.  One likes fights in bars, the other on ice
6.  Southern white trash and Northern trailer trash
5.  Both appreciate speed
4.  Undying loyalty to their team
3.  Both love to see a high speed collision
2.  A little booze never stopped them from getting to the track or rink
1. Hot cars and hot women