Dan's Top 10

Top 10 Best Buy deals for the non-geek

10. Lots of interesting instruction books so you can become a computer geek
 9.  You can get a very simple cell phone
 8.  They sell batteries for your portable 8 tract and Betamax tape players
 7.  Office furniture is still very basic
 6.  They sell albums you can put your film camera pictures in
 5.  They still have regular AM/FM Radios
 4.  Computer paper makes great writing paper
 3.  They have extension cords and power strips
 2.  They sell floor model AC and Heating units
 1.  You can always buy candy and pop near check-out

Top 10 Reasons Why the Vikings will Love Brett Favre

10.  He's the most proven quarterback they've had in a long time
 9.   The Number 4 Jersey will sell like hotcakes
 8.   They now have a passing game to go with their running game
 7.   They'll learn soon enough if Chilly is a good coach
 6.   It's going to take a Super Bowl win to get a new stadium
 5.   They are now instant Super Bowl favorites
 4.   They now have tons of free publicity
 3.   They don't have to depend on T-Jack and Rosenfeldt to do what they've never done
 2.   It's not often you get a Hall of Fame Quarterback
 1.   This is a great way to stick it to the Packers and their Cheesehead Fans

Top 10 Minnesota Myths

10. That "Minnesota Nice" means that we really like people
 9.  Summers are hot and humid
 8.  That Minnesota is a Democrat state
 7.  That we all take the "polar bear plunge" January 1st
 6.  That St. Paul is a boring town with bad streets
 5.  That The Mary Tyler Moore Show was filmed in MN
 4.  That we are proud of the U of M Football Program
 3.  That everyone adored Paul Wellstone
 2.  That everyone is a close personal friend of Sid Hartman
 1.  That Jesse Ventura was a popular governor

Top 10 Comments overheard during the bathroom stall romance at the Metrodome

10. "This is just wrong, we shouldn't be doing this in a handicapped stall"
  9.  "If only the game would have been close I wouldn't have had to get so drunk"
  8.  "Would we have attracted a bigger crowd if we had done it in the women's bathroom?"
  7.  "Let's do it here, my husband will never know"
  6.   "I've got a reputation to protect, no names please"
  5.   "Why go back to my seat, all the excitement is in here"
  4.   "Boy, my wife has sure been in the bathroom a long time"
  3.   "They should charge more for tickets with all these extra events going on"
  2.    "I couldn't get to the bathroom, it was packed with people chanting 'go-go'
  1.    That's just how we spend our honeymoons in Iowa, it's a step up from the outhouse

Top 10 Comments overheard during the 55-0 Minnesota loss to Iowa

10. " I can't wait to get out of the building"
  9.   "It's only been a few years, time to fire the coach"
  8.   "Boy, those Iowa fans are sure loud"
  7.   "You think they'll get new uniforms to go with the new stadium?"
  6.   "How can Northwestern win a Big Ten title when we can't"
  5.   "After losing to North Dakota State, maybe we should switch leagues?"
  4.   "So that's what Floyd the Pig looks like"
  3.  "We might have a better chance against Northern Iowa University"
  2.   "I'm glad hockey season is starting"
  1.   "Maybe we should fire the overpaid president of the University"

Top 10 Features of the new Minnesota Gopher football stadium

10.  Barf bags on the back of each and every seat
 9.   Replicas of "The Axe, the Little Brown Jug, & Floyd the Pig" since Gopher fans never get to see the real ones.
 8.  The Sid Hartman "close, personal, friend" section (one free hot dog with every "Sid" book sold).
 7.  Escalators running out of the stadium starting at half time
 6.  A free supply of crying towels in each and every bathroom
 5.  Paper bags with pre-cut eye holes available for free, located under each seat
 4.  Wisconsin, Michigan and Iowa will have their own merchandise stands to accommodate the huge crowds
 3.  "Get Lucky" suites for potential football recruits to enjoy the game
 2.  A rowdy "student section" just for those 100 die hard university fans
 1.  On the field seats for those few old timers who remember the last Big Ten Championship

Top 10 Reasons they built a football stadium for the Minnesota Gophers

10. If you're going to watch 30 more years of losing football you might as well be comfortable
9.  It was political payback by the Republicans to Bill Cooper of TCF
8.  They wanted to do something nice for Sid Hartman before he died
7.  A new stadium helps to recruit new head coaches every other year
6.  So the slow in-state Minnesota recruits, that no one else wants, will have a place to play
5.  It's better to look good than play good
4.  You need more glitz to overcome a nick-name like "Gophers"
3. Without it, they were in danger of dropping football to comply with Title IX
2. We couldn't impress our neighbors by losing to NDSU in the Metrodome, now they can lose in style
1. Wisconsin and Iowa needed more seats to claim the Minnesota trip as a "home game"

Top 10 Minnesota Viking excuses for keeping Jackson at quarterback

10. It's only been three years, lets give him more time to bloom
9.  Hey, Brett Favre threw a lot of interceptions too
8.  The coach personally likes him
7.  He never has been involved with any party boat
6.  Three years of injuries should count for something
5.  We just need someone to hand off to Peterson
4.  Second string quarterbacks have won Super Bowls just ask Trent Dilfer
3.  He's just getting used to his new receivers
2.  He can't can't catch the ball too
1.  We're just playing mind games with the other team, Jackson will break out any day now

Top 10 Small Town virtues that big city people never will understand

10. Everybody knowing everybody isn't a bad thing
9.  It takes teamwork from everyone to run a town
8.  When you don't have every modern convenience, you learn to rely on others
7.  Sometimes you have to make your own entertainment
6.  Our trailer trash is better than your ghetto bangers
5.  Hunting, fishing and guns are part of our rural way of life
4.  Going to church is nothing to be ashamed of
3.  Big cities have things, we have heart
2.  It's fun to be a big fish in a small pond
1.  We resent being called "fly-over country"

Top 10 Things To Do In Minnesota

10. The Minnesota State Fair is always a great time
9.   Fishing is king, you gotta do it.
8.   Go to a cabin on one of our 10,000 lakes
7.  Embrace winter by ice fishing
6.  Go "up north"
5.  Complain about the weather (always a favorite)
4. Go to a play, just stay away from all the perverted ones in Mpls.
3. Go to a small town festival and enjoy a parade
2. For better or worse, the Mall of America has always been a favorite attraction
1. Practice the Minnesota accent. It really is the only proper way to talk