Dan's Top 10

Top 10 Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes

10.  An Executive with AIG
 9.  An Auto Maker CEO
 8.  An Insurance Company Executive
 7.  Bringham Young
 6.  Brett Favre as a Packer
 5.  Lindsey Lohan
 4.  David Letterman
 3.  Ted Kennedy
 2.  Nancy Pelosi
 1.  A drunk Nobel Peace Prize Judge

Top 10 ACORN Brothel Start up Tips

10.  Have cash for your consultation
 9.   The consultation may require a sample of your wares
 8.   If you have a fake Hooker name, make sure you register to vote
 7.   For tax purposes, since you make people feel better, you're now a doctor
 6.   Don't talk to the media, unless it's CNN
 5.   For every trick you turn, that John has to register to vote Democrat
 4.   Once our stimulous money goes through, we'll be investors
 3.   We may want you to work with some of our politicians, if you know what I mean?
 2.   Tell everybody you are a community activist and the cops will stay away
 1.   If you get in trouble, no worries, the President used to be our Lawyer

Top 10 New Theories on Michael Jackson's Murder

10.  It was the kids. They just got tired by being raised by a nut job
 9.  It was Michael's pet monkey. With no more sleepovers, he was worried he'd be next
 8.  It was his lawyer. He went crazy from too much work defending Michael all the time
 7.  It was George Bush. Might as well blame him for this too.
 6.  It was Michael's Mom. She wanted to raise the kids all to herself so she could make up for past mistakes
 5.  It was David Letterman. He was bored with telling Sarah Palin jokes 24/7
 4.  It was the FBI. They were too concerned Michael was becoming more popular than Obama
 3.  It was a Jehova's Witness. Michael just wasn't out door knocking enough
 2.  It was The LDS Church. He was liked by way too many Mormon children
 1.  It was Elton John. Elton though he, not Michael, was the "King of Pop" and he could never understand why Michael didn't "come out of the closet" as he did

Top 10 Suspects in the Michael Jackson Murder

10.  Janet Jackson. She couldn't stand Michael trying to look like her
 9.   Elizabeth Taylor. Michael didn't give back all the makeup she loaned him
 8.   Tito Jackson. Still blamed Michael for the break up of the Jackson 5
 7.   Jesse Jackson. Couldn't stand to have a black man turn white
 6.   Pepsi Cola Company. Still upset over the bad pub from that Pepsi fire
 5.   Lisa Marie Presley. Still steamed for being used as a trophy wife
 4.   The Beatles. They are upset for him selling their songs to be used on TV commercials
 3.   Hollywood Plastic Surgeons. Didn't like how they got the blame for his bad face job
 2.   The little boys who had sleep overs
 1.   The Parents of the little boys who had sleep overs

Top 10 Conspiracy Theories of the Left

10.  Kennedy was killed by the CIA/FBI
 9.   Bush started a war to steal oil
 8.   Dick Cheney was the real president
 7.   Bush built all these "relocation camps"
 6.   The U.S. Military conducted all the 911 attacks
 5.   The war in Iraq was started to attack Iran
 4.   Sarah Palin's family will grow up to become Hitler clones
 3.   As president, John McCain would have nuked Vietnam
 2.   Rush Limbaugh is the head of the Republican Party
 1.   Michael Jackson became a Republican when he turned white

 

Top 10 Little Known Dave Ramsey Tips on Money

10.  Cash is great but loose change is better
 9.   Pretend you are an illegal alien and change your name to Juan
 8.   Only work for cash, it makes it easier to pretend you are illegal
 7.   Join the Dave Ramsey power shoppers club and save as we join forces to loot stores
 6.   Sell all your neighbors stuff at a garage sale when he's on vacation
 5.   Take all the freebies at McDonalds such as the ketchup, mustard and salt packets.
 4.   Figure out a way to claim minority status
 3.   Go Green and Get some stimulous money from Obama
 2    As an investment, buy lots of guns and ammo before Obama makes his gun grab
 1.  Show off enough cash to make people think you are a drug dealer, you'll be surprised at what kind of deals you'll get with street cred.

Top 10 Reasons Journalism is Dead

10. Not enough diversity of thought
 9.  The "J" in journalism schools doesn't stand for journalism only "joint"
 8.  Journalists rate lower than used car salesmen
 7.  Too many sexy news babes without brains
 6.  Too many big ego celebrity journalists
 5.  The "Hollywood effect" everyone wants to be famous
 4.  If the ends justify the means, who needs facts
 3.  Check book journalism, the story goes to the highest bidder
 2.  Everyone thinks they are a journalist these days
 1.  You can follow any type of news you want on the Internet

Top 10 Reasons Baby Boomers will always dominate

10.  We have the numbers
 9.  We'll be around longer than our parents
 8.  We live to work
 7.  AARP will bend to our will
 6.  We still out vote everyone
 5.  We've been successful
 4.  Someone's got to pay the bills
 3.  If it wasn't for us there'd be no Viagra
 2. We were taught well by the "Greatest Generation"
 1. Even in our 80's we'll still out work most of the kids that have no clue what work is

Top 10 New Taxes for California

10. 80 percent sales tax on boob jobs
 9.  69 percent sales tax on condoms sold in San Francisco
 8.  30 percent sale tax on blonde hair dye
 7.  90 percent income tax on all actors with incomes over $100,000 a year
 6.  80 percent sales tax on all pets and pet supplies
 5.  Gender transfer tax for any "addadicktome" operations
 4.  A $12,000 fee for each Gay Marriage License
 3.  A $20,000 membership tax on anyone joining the Democratic Party
 2.  A 100 million dollar fee for any public facility used for a celebrity memorial service
 1.  New Age fee for any "alternative lifestyles"

Top 10 Reasons why socialized medicine won't work in the USA

10. Too many old people who don't want to die waiting in line for treatment
 9.  We don't like to copy anything done by Canada
 8.  Obama has spent all the extra money
 7.  We won't have a big enough fence to stop all the new illegal aliens who want the freebie
 6. With all Obama's new taxes we won't enough rich people to pay for the poor
 5. Doctor's won't be able to afford their golf club memberships
 4. Lawyers will have to give up running for office, not enough time with all the new malpractice lawsuits
 3. By the time the "make it up as you go bill is written" Obama will be out of office
 2. Free Viagra for nursing homes causes more problems than it's worth
 1. We have way too many "alternative lifestyles" for all the mental health coverage