Dan's Top 10

Top 10 Overheard Comments when it is 115 in Phoenix in July

10.    "Why do we live here?"
 9.    "But it's a dry heat"
 8.    "I can't wait to jump in the warm pool"
 7.   "The AC in the movie theatre was cold"
 6.    "We have two seasons; hot and hell"
 5.    "It's nice not having the snow birds around to clog traffic"
 4.    "Time to head up into the mountains"
 3.    "San Diego is great this time of year"
 2.    "Boy, there are a ton of great deals to go golfing"
 1.     "I need water...and lots of it!!"

Top 10 Reasons the Cardinals will win the Super Bowl

10. They are hot at the right time
 9.  They are the ultimate in underdogs
 8.  How can you not like Fitzgerald and Warner
 7.  They finally have a good coach
 6.  The Bidwell's will finally get some respect
 5.  Edgerton James didn't do squat all season so he has fresh legs
 4.  With everyone being from some place else, it helps unify the state
 3.  An Eagle's win brings the championship game to Arizona
 2.  Warner is the next best thing to Brett Favre
 1.  Pissing Denny Green off is a great motivation

Top 10 ways we know the snow birds are back in Arizona

10. Traffic is more congested than usual
 9.  Many white haired old ladies trying to figure out the ATM
 8.  Lots of folks with ghost white skin
 7.  Lots of very slow drivers
 6.  Cars with Chicago Cubs bumper stickers on them
 5.  You have waiting lines at the pharmacy
 4.  Old Town Scottsdale is very busy
 3. It's harder to get tee times
 2. All the low priced sit-down restaurants are full
 1. Old people escorting tourists who are wearing shorts and short sleve shirts during winter in Arizona

Top 10 Arizona Republic Budget Cuts

10.  No more two martini lunches
 9.   The ACLU memberships will not be renewed
 8.   The size of the newspaper will become comic book size
 7.   Mormon account coordinators in the Gilbert Office will be fired
 6.   All Republican news coverage will be cut back to nothing
 5.   The new Republican governor will not see the same amount of coverage as the old Democratic one
 4.   Rather than cut out Martin Luther King Day as a paid holiday, they are cutting out Christmas
 3.   They are "celebrating diversity" by hiring low cost Mexican workers
 2.   The special pro-Obama reporters can now be fired
 1.   Fire all ad reps who miss quota two months in a row

Top 10 Comments overheard in Sun City, Arizona

10. Gee honey, don't you think it might be time to give Viagra a try?
9. I'll bet you my golf cart can out race your golf cart
8. I'm not getting old, I'm getting better, but then, that could just be the Viagra kicking in
7. Children, you gave me gray hair and wrinkles!
6. I hate Top 10 lists that stereotype old people
5. If only I could use the walker to get to the pool, once in the pool I'm fine
4. Juan, make sure you serve plenty of prunes at the breakfast luncheon
3. Old age doesn't make me crabby, cranky and outspoken, I always was like that
2. I'm (fill in the age) years old, I don't have to do that
1. I told you my wife's a hottie, look at that long white hair

Top 10 Native Arizonan Complaints

10.  We have two seasons, summer and hell
9.   Where do all these Mexicans come from?
8.   Without a real winter we don't get to wear all the cool winter clothes
7.   Gee, I get a little tired of Mexican food all the time
6.   The snowbirds cause too many traffic jams
5.   I get so tired of meeting people not from here
4.   We just don't get enough thunder storms
3.  If only the Cardinals would win something
2.  The hockey scores take up too much room on the Sports Pages
1.  Get these left coast goofy Californians out of our state!

Top 10 ways to break Top 10 writers block

10. Sleep on it 
9. Eat brain food
8. Don't kill any more brain cells
7. Eat sea food
6. Recharge with another bottle of Diet Dew
5. Find a DQ
4. Read more news
3. Pray for inspiration
2. Plan my next blog
1. Never ever watch David Letterman

Top 10 "Summer in Phoenix" Advertising Slogans

10. Lots of sun to view from your cool hotel
9.  The water's free, come on out
8.  Home of the pavement egg frying contest
7.  Backyard pool skinny-dipping!
6.  Cheap golf is here!
5.  In the summer, everyone's a hottie
4.  No need for formal dress, less is best
3.  No snowbird induced traffic jams
2.  Your choice of rooms
1.   It's too hot to work but not to play

Top 10 Arizona Attitudes

10. Fences make for great neighbors
9. We love air conditioning, just as long as it's not too low
8. Go get 'em Sheriff Joe
7. Let's deport the Californians
6. It's 60 degrees, let's break out the down jackets
5. We love watching thunderstorms
4. In Scottsdale, golf and tennis is what we live for
3. Summer weeds out the wimps
2. We love the snowbird money
1. Why should be we friendly we didn't ask for all these people to come here.

Top 10 Ways Arizonans Beat the Summer Heat

10. Mountain lake cabins
9. Trips to San Diego
8. Trips back home to the Midwest
7. An air conditioner in every room
6. Constant dips in the warm bathwater type pools
5. Keep telling yourself, "but it's a dry heat"
4. Fewer clothes or more clothes, both can work
3. A cold drink in one hand and a cold drink in the other
2. Eat less, drink more
1. Do everything in the nude at home (why do you think we have brick walls around our backyards)