Dan's Top 10

Top 10 Reasons Rush Limbaugh is Obama's Public Enemy #1

10.  We can't have someone going around the state run media
  9.  He's a big target, in more ways than one
  8.  They don't have George Bush to kick around any more
  7.  To be a true Messiah you have to have a devil
  6.  The Republicans are spineless whimps they are too easy to manipulate
  5.  How else do you get a "Hush Rush" bill passed?
  4.  If you're going to go after a talk show host, it might as well be the best
  3.  Obama figures it's the easiest way to get that left wing guy from Fargo better ratings
  2.  Obama's too busy negotiating with terrorists, they can't be the enemy
  1.  Rush is the only thing standing in his way to total power

Top 10 Brett Favre Excuses for not joining the Vikings

10.  He didn't need another Super Bowl ring
 9.  Too many death threats from Poland
 8.  Booty wouldn't give up the number "4" jersey
 7.  Chilly wanted to run the ball too much
 6.  The doctors in Minnesota weren't as generous with their prescriptions
 5.  Zigy wouldn't give him an ownership stake in the team
 4.  He never has played well in the Metrodome
 3.  The fans would rather see Sage and T-Jack battle it out
 2.  The time commitment was too great on the set of "What About Mary 2"
 1.  He would rather skip training camp and "un-retire" in time for the playoffs

Top 10 Possible Sceret Hiding Places for Obama's Birth Certificate

10.  In Nancy Pellosi's sock drawer
 9.  Under a case of Spam in a government warehouse in Hawaii
 8.  In a case of ACORN voting registrations taken from a cemetery
 7.  Some where in the pages of Obama's copy of the Healthcare Bill which he still hasn't read
 6.  In the Gate's house (why do you think he didn't want the cop around?)
 5.  Under some old David Letterman videos of "Great Presedential Moments" which he no longer runs
 4.  In Obama's gun cabinet
 3.  In the offices of Barney Frank's speech therapist
 2.  Under a torn copy of the Constitution in the Oval Office
 1.  At the home of John Edward's mistress

Top 10 Little Known Dave Ramsey Tips on Money

10.  Cash is great but loose change is better
 9.   Pretend you are an illegal alien and change your name to Juan
 8.   Only work for cash, it makes it easier to pretend you are illegal
 7.   Join the Dave Ramsey power shoppers club and save as we join forces to loot stores
 6.   Sell all your neighbors stuff at a garage sale when he's on vacation
 5.   Take all the freebies at McDonalds such as the ketchup, mustard and salt packets.
 4.   Figure out a way to claim minority status
 3.   Go Green and Get some stimulous money from Obama
 2    As an investment, buy lots of guns and ammo before Obama makes his gun grab
 1.  Show off enough cash to make people think you are a drug dealer, you'll be surprised at what kind of deals you'll get with street cred.

Top 10 unannounced Sara Palin plans

10. Appear on "Late Night with David Letterman"
 9. Tryout for the WNBA
 8. Star in a documentary on Moose Hunting in Alaska
 7. Write a book on media bias
 6. Make guest appearances as a celebrity look-a-like for Tina Fey
 5. Try to court all those people who thought she should be at the top of the ticket
 4. Make enough money to pay for her own campaign clothes
 3. Make jokes poking fun of David Letterman's kid
 2. Start the vetting process for her VP runningmate
 1. Show America what it means to be Pro-Life

Top 10 New Wonder Drugs Proposed by the Obama FDA

10.  The Michael Jackson pill: it will turn your skin color from black to white
 9.   Supercharged Viagra: a few of these and even Nancy Pelosi starts to look good
 8.   The "Love Me Do" drug: makes straight people think they are Gay
 7.   The ET Drug: makes everyone love all illegal aliens
 6.   The Big Bang Pill: forces rich people to bend over and take everything the feds dish out
 5.   Arnold Steroids: Named after the former Mr. Universe who set records for 'roids
 4.   Wellstone: the cure for passing gall stones
 3.   The Ted Kennedy: the perfect way to cleanse your colon while driving over or off bridges
 2.   The Gore Bar: More crap less filling
 1.   The Clinton Birth Control Pill: Makes you dream of Bill or Hillary Naked so you never want to have sex again

Top 10 Reasons Journalism is Dead

10. Not enough diversity of thought
 9.  The "J" in journalism schools doesn't stand for journalism only "joint"
 8.  Journalists rate lower than used car salesmen
 7.  Too many sexy news babes without brains
 6.  Too many big ego celebrity journalists
 5.  The "Hollywood effect" everyone wants to be famous
 4.  If the ends justify the means, who needs facts
 3.  Check book journalism, the story goes to the highest bidder
 2.  Everyone thinks they are a journalist these days
 1.  You can follow any type of news you want on the Internet

Top 10 Reason Obama wants a swift vote on healthcare socialism

10.  Nancy Pelosi has a Botox injection appointment she just can't miss
 9.  He's afraid too many people will have the time to read the entire bill
 8.  He's gotta get it done before his poll numbers slip down further
 7.  If it takes any longer they can't make it up as they go along
 6.  There's a lot more of the Constitution they need to destroy
 5.  Kennedy and Byrd could kick off at any minute
 4.  He wants it done before his next tax payer paid date night in New York City
 3.  Air Force One has another joy ride/photo opp scheduled for the next day
 2.  Every day they wait, more Boomers join AARP
 1.  He wants it done before the doctors have a chance to change professions

Top 10 Names for the unreleased Michael Jackson songs

10.  Ben...too long at the plastic surgeon
 9.  Thank Heaven...for little boys
 8.  The zombie in Thriller is me
 7.  I'm Sad
 6.  Am I black or white?
 5.  Billy's Jeans were not left over
 4.  Beat it...Beat that law suit
 3. The Way You Make Me Want to Feel
 2.  Man in the see through mirror
1.  You are not alone...in my guest bedroom

Top 10 Comments overheard at a little kids soccer game

10.  Did you see that, they're keeping track of the score!
 9.  Good Job Johnny, those five goals you let in were no big deal
 8.  Who cares about the score, did the coach bring the oranges?
 7.  I am not a "soccer mom"
 6.  Don't do any headers you don't have a helmet
 5.  I let him play soccer now to get him in shape for real football later
 4.  Let's play for a tie, that way everyone wins
 3.  How come they make all the fat kids be the goalie?
 2.  Don't kick his leg, kick the ball
 1. It's so strange that this is they only sport where they get to eat during the game. No wonder American kids are fat.