10. An Executive with AIG
9. An Auto Maker CEO
8. An Insurance Company Executive
7. Bringham Young
6. Brett Favre as a Packer
5. Lindsey Lohan
4. David Letterman
3. Ted Kennedy
2. Nancy Pelosi
1. A drunk Nobel Peace Prize Judge
10. "I couldn't resist her, she looked too much like Sarah Palin"
9. "I didn't go to Ball State for nothing"
8. "I'm such a big star, I can have any woman I want"
7. "It was only a few flings per week, it's not like it was every day"
6. "I was just participating in the stimulus package"
5. "I always like to screw with Republicans, so I did"
4. "My son was always asleep at the time so I didn't think it was a big deal"
3. "I'm just doing my part to keep the "casting couch" tradition alive and well"
2. "No other late night show host will make jokes about me so I get a free pass"
1. "What's the use of having a secret sex room at the studio, if you aren't going to use it?"
10. The ex-governor needs a job as gymnastics judge
9. Jessie Jackson wants to protest the lack of blacks on the water polo team
8. Chicago sports ain't too great these days
7. The Chicago Olympics will be a great distraction for the bad economy
6. It will be great PR for America's new socialism
5. The Windy City can show it's stuff in the sailing competition
4. Lots of jobs for ACORN workers
3. Showcasing Olympic injuries might help him get Obama care passed
2. Playing to a tie with Iran in soccer would be good for diplomacy
1. With all the union and mob bosses, we're guaranteed to set the record for the most gold medals
10. Have cash for your consultation
9. The consultation may require a sample of your wares
8. If you have a fake Hooker name, make sure you register to vote
7. For tax purposes, since you make people feel better, you're now a doctor
6. Don't talk to the media, unless it's CNN
5. For every trick you turn, that John has to register to vote Democrat
4. Once our stimulous money goes through, we'll be investors
3. We may want you to work with some of our politicians, if you know what I mean?
2. Tell everybody you are a community activist and the cops will stay away
1. If you get in trouble, no worries, the President used to be our Lawyer
10. Pull a "Clinton" by stopping in at random McDonalds
9. Become a judge at the Special Olympics Bowling Tournament
8. Taking his entire family out for breakfast at Denny's
7. Go to church every Sunday with Bible in hand
6. Shoot hoops with former members of the Washington Generals
5. Scold Hillary Clinton pointing at her with those big boney fingers
4. Visit Michael Jackson's home and talk about how Obama Care would have saved him
3. Walk around with Michael Vick at a dog show
2. Take Sarah Palin out to dinner
1. Go to Disney World and compare ears with Mickey
10. Lots of interesting instruction books so you can become a computer geek
9. You can get a very simple cell phone
8. They sell batteries for your portable 8 tract and Betamax tape players
7. Office furniture is still very basic
6. They sell albums you can put your film camera pictures in
5. They still have regular AM/FM Radios
4. Computer paper makes great writing paper
3. They have extension cords and power strips
2. They sell floor model AC and Heating units
1. You can always buy candy and pop near check-out
10. "What has Nancy Pelosi been doing to her face?"
9. "First the teleprompter and now the "Applause" sign"
8. "Boy he really has long pointy fingers"
7. "I thought he smelled like cigarettes"
6. "Barney Frank seemed to be a little too cozy with his young male intern, if you know what I mean"
5. "Did Obama coordinate his Palin attack with David Letterman?"
4. "When is he going to say something new?"
3. "I missed so much, I was distracted by his ears"
2. "Is it my imagination or is Hillary putting on the weight"
1. "Well he can't blame Bush for this one,...or can he?"
10. It was the kids. They just got tired by being raised by a nut job
9. It was Michael's pet monkey. With no more sleepovers, he was worried he'd be next
8. It was his lawyer. He went crazy from too much work defending Michael all the time
7. It was George Bush. Might as well blame him for this too.
6. It was Michael's Mom. She wanted to raise the kids all to herself so she could make up for past mistakes
5. It was David Letterman. He was bored with telling Sarah Palin jokes 24/7
4. It was the FBI. They were too concerned Michael was becoming more popular than Obama
3. It was a Jehova's Witness. Michael just wasn't out door knocking enough
2. It was The LDS Church. He was liked by way too many Mormon children
1. It was Elton John. Elton though he, not Michael, was the "King of Pop" and he could never understand why Michael didn't "come out of the closet" as he did
10. Where did you get those ears?
9. Is it true that you still smoke?
8. Does the Secret Service have to body cavity search your dog?
7. Why are you doing this now?
6. What is the educational purpose of talking to us?
5. When are you going to have that drink with Hannity?
4. How are we going to learn to be independent thinkers when our teachers follow the party line?
3. Do the Republicans get equal time?
2. If you took a vow to defend the constitution, why do you want to ignore it?
1. How come you've never released a copy of your birth certificate?
